Sacred Fire

I downloaded Ronald Rolheisers new book Sacred Fire onto my ipad.  What a mistake!  It is one of the books that I want to physically hold in my hands and mark up and quote. And hug.  I expected to enjoy the book and found the first part simply to be a rehash of his book Holy Longing, but he continues in the  second part of the book to describe the new challenges of trying to live out our faith in the mature years.  There were times I simple had to close the book because the truth was so blinding, but there was no book to close!  How frustrating is that!  Cold, hard Ipads do not make for intimate reading.

He tells the story of a old monk who is asked by a younger monk if he still struggles with the devil. The old monk says no, that he is old and weak and the devil has grow old and weak with him.  Now he struggles with God.  (And hoped to lose.)

Fr Rohlheiser describes the new challenges of being a mature disciple.  I am no longer the younger son in the parable of the prodigal son, I am the older son.  The struggle is to grow past my righteousness and become as compassionate as God is compassionate.  Layers of hurt that I have buried in my stronger, younger years, start to rise to the surface as the final reality of  my life hits me over the head.  I can be blindsided by anger, depression, bitterness, jealousy, sadness and boredom.   I am living in a tension different than the one I knew in my younger years.  I need grace to learn how to give my life away.

This challenge is a beautiful, but confusing thing.  I'm glad Rohlheiser wrote about it because it's not easy becoming a saint.  ;-).